BT and Seagulls

Alright, here in the UK, we have British Telecom, or just BT as they are commonly known as. They provide internet access and phone service just like Sky, Virgin Media and all the rest.

However, as with anything, BT has its flaws. BT OpenReach is in charge of the phone lines, so I’m not really sure who to blame here, but I’m blaming BT anyway.

Oh, and if BT sounds vaguely familiar to you but you’ve not heard of British Telecom (’cause maybe you live in America or something), then you’re probably thinking of BitTorrent. Fun, eh?

Anyway, enough rambles, so let’s get rambling!

Pretty much everyone in my family is with BT, at least for internet access. Have they had a fun time? Nah.

My grandparents on my mother’s side get their phone line cut off for several days at a time every now and then. It’s infrequent, but not being able to send or receive any phone calls is pretty serious. The most recent time it happened, a BT worker who was doing something or other broke the line without realising and the time before, there was a fault in the magical mystery box down the street. This then becomes a pain since they have no way of letting anyone know their phone line isn’t working so usually it takes until someone wonders why they’ve not been answering the phone and makes a big fuss over it. Then someone (usually my mum) has to ring up BT from somewhere that actually has a working phone line.

Phoning BT is no fun. I never bother going through that torture but can generally hear the phone on speakerphone. It consists of waiting for half an hour then being passed about from person to person, having to re-explain the whole story each and every time. Nice use of a day. At least it’s free to phone.

The fifth BT hub with a missile flask from Saudi Arabia in the background.
The fifth BT hub with a missile flask from Saudi Arabia in the background.

Next up: Their hubs. Pictured above you’ll see their fifth hub. Well, there was a hub 1.0 and 1.1 or something like that, but let’s just keep it simple, shall we? Anyway, with every single hub I have used, the WiFi connection will become increasingly intermittent as the hub ages. I’m fairly certain it’s the fault of the hubs because the one exception to this is the BT Hub 1, which my dad has. Oh, and this one has been fine… so far. Clearly something went wrong along the line! To counteract this problem, you’re probably best off getting a WiFi extender thingy and simply connecting to it. Of course, you could just avoid the WiFi issue altogether and use an ethernet connection, but that’s only good for desktops and, if you treat them as desktops, laptops. Long story short, their hubs are a pain, except from the first one in the official Hub series.

What next? Oh, yes! Currently there is a lot of crackling on the phone line where I live, and phoning the number simply rung once then resulted in noise for the caller. It counted as someone picking up, so that’s 30p a try from mobile. Thankfully the line now works well enough to be usable with the kitchen phone disconnected, but it’s still not right. What really boils my blood though is that the customer helpline lady was saying that there’s not a problem with the line. Please tell me, how on earth can there be no problem with the line when people can’t even phone it and phoning others results in an unusually noisy connection?! At least the internet works, I guess…

So... nice internet we're having today.
So… nice internet we’re having today.

Anyway, what relevance does that seagull have in the featured image of this article? Some!


Okay, so we’ve got a stock photo from Pixabay of some garlic bread. Now, imagine that bread has gone a bit stale and a few of those slices are stuck together… as in, not cut into slices. That’s a pretty big lump of solid bread, right?

Well, in the garden there was this big clump of bread and some random seagull came along to start nibbling away at it. Problem is, the bread was too tough for the poor old bird to do much with. As it turns out, the rational thing any seagull would do in that situation is to swallow the bread whole. Oh boy.

So, um, well, watching this seagull swallowing a lump of bread bigger than its head has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen all year. Clearly they don’t have a gag reflex and I never knew that their necks could expand so greatly in diameter.

Cropped imagery taken from my timelapse thingy.
Cropped imagery taken from my timelapse thingy.

Huh. Maybe I’m exaggerating a little after all, but it was quite the sight seeing the seagull struggling to swallow it whole. Makes my throat sore just thinking about it!

I know this may sound downright cruel and all, but hey, I wasn’t the one who put the bread out in one big lump like that. Presumably the seagull lived since it just flew away and seemed to be able to breathe and all, but man, that can’t have done it any good! Garlic bread isn’t exactly the most nutritious thing out there either, leaving no room for fish and chips.

Oh, and just a couple months ago, a weak pigeon got its head ripped off by some crows. What an eventful year it’s been for the garden!

Wow, writing that took a while. Props to all the folk who write pages each day! I doubt anyone much will read and enjoy this (not even I want to read it, even for proofreading) but perhaps Google will enjoy it. Come on, Google, get this website in those search results when searching for “Ten Hour Guy”! Meh, at least you’re doing a better job than Bing.

04/10/16 Update:

I’ve got some more garlic bread but it doesn’t look quite as appetising as what the seagull got a good nibble of!


Author: Ten Hour Guy

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